Not relaxing...
For today's tale, my Mum has told me what to type. I just wouldn't do this one justice on my own ALTHOUGH...I have had to remove all the swear words! I did laugh typing it up though!
It started when I was relaxing on the beach, in the sun and a salesman for the massage department in our hotel approached me.
I said: "No thank you!"
He said: "Let me show you..." and then started to massage my arm.
I agreed to a massage to get him to go away and he did a deal for two so that it was less euros in total.
Later, my husband said it could be my birthday gift as he didn't know what to get me (he never does)!
We thought it was only going to be for fifteen minutes.
When I went for the massage here is what happened.
1. I had misheard fifty minutes as fifteen!
2. I was told to take my bra and my dress off which I thought was a bit strange as I thought it was just an arm massage.
3. Then I laid - face down - on the table, putting my face through (what I thought) was a stupid hole.
4. I could hear stupid music (it wasn't relaxing even if it was meant to be) and didn't like the smell of the surrounding candles.
5. Then she massaged my legs.
6. THEN...she stuck my knickers (Bridget Jones minus a bit of material) up my crack! And repeated the same for the other cheek.
7. She wanted to massage my back but I said I'd had enough as I was thinking my husband would be confused about the time.
8. When I got off the table (despite her telling me to careful) I nearly slipped due to the height of the table, the lack of height of me and the oil on my feet. I was lucky not to break my leg!
Check back next week to see what happened on the second massage!
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